The one thing I want to take into the next decade.

It is the morning of December 31st, 2019 and I have literally lost my voice. While I drown myself in tea and honey, praying I get my voice back before midnight so I can yell “HAPPY NEW YEAR!!” and welcome in the new decade. I am taking some time to reflect, much like we do at the end of the year, and while I may not be able to speak audibly, my voice isn’t lost in words.

I always thank God for words, each one interwoven into meaning, and in each language their own rich history and tone.

2019 was a big year for me. Not because I fell in love, or went on wonderful vacations. I didn’t have either of those, but what I did have was breakthrough.

Looking back to the beginning of the year, it seems so distant now. Memories of getting caught in a snow storm, leaving my job, going back to school full time, getting scholarships, declaring a double major and adding a minor, having a restful summer of sister and family fun, attending so many diverse weddings, getting to interpret for one of them, cooking more and getting better at it, making new friends and reconnecting with old ones, saying goodbye to good friends, participating in an internship in D.C. and starting this blog space, finally.

2019 was a year of many firsts, many challenges, but also many victories and testimonies of God’s love. While there were many moments of fear, weeping, fasting and prayer. There were also many moments of peace, of dreams fulfilled, of laughs, joy, dancing, great meals and friendship.

It took me a while to write this post because I didn’t know how to approach it, do I just focus on the highlight reel? Do I open up on my struggles with anxiety and fear? How do I glorify Jesus in this? After losing my voice, I had some time to really sit and reflect, and the truth is, all of it glorifies Jesus.

You see, this year was a year of breakthrough for me, because it was the year that God prepared to bless me with opportunities I had dreamt of for years, and it was the year that my fears came close. It was the year that I said goodbye to many new friends and questioned where my place was. It was the year that I did a bible study on prayer that changed the way I pray. It was the year that I let down my guard, my pride, and truly rest in him. I took a Sabbath Summer and In those shorts months, God truly transformed me, so much so that even friends noticed how at peace I was and how I got the “spark” back into my eyes.

I finally gave in, let God do the work, and trusted that all things through him are good. I stopped trying to achieve my goals alone, and let him know of my fears. Some of whom have plagued me for over a decade.

You see, I could have made this post about how much God has transformed my life in the last ten years, from my high school days full of doubt and with little hope, to today, living out dreams that had been buried in the doubt, and new dreams that God has given to me. But, that would leave out all of the growth that this decade, and this year have brought me.

Growth hurts, it takes courage to sit in those feelings, cry out to God, and believe that his words are truth. That he will never forsake me or abandon me. That ALL things work for the good of those who love him. You see, one post wouldn’t be enough to cover all of those experiences but one thread sews them all together. IDENTITY.

The one lesson I’ve learned in this last decade, and really throughout this last year of highs and lows has been this.

I AM A DAUGHTER OF THE KING OF THE UNIVERSE. HE SHAPED ME IN MY MOTHER’S WOMB. HE KNOWS ME, DEEPLY AND INTRICATELY. HE HAS SAVED ME OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. HE GIVES ME DREAMS BIGGER THAN MOST CAN COMPREHEND. HE GIVES ME SENSIBILITY OF SPIRIT. HE GIVES ME WORDS. HE GIVES ME COURAGE. HE GIVES ME GRACE. HE GIVES ME WISDOM. HE GIVES ME FAMILY. HE GIVES ME LOVE. HE GIVES ME LIFE. HE WILL NEVER LEAVE ME OR ABANDON ME. HE HAS BROUGHT ME HERE.

IDENTITY. that’s what I’m carrying with me into the next decade. Boldness and conviction. “I am sure of this, that He who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Phillipians 1:6

Identity, one word. So much power over one’s life.

Identity shook me this year, and brought me here. To this place of rest in the Lord.

You see once I realized, and made that my mindset, in my mind and in my spirit, I knew and know that no weapon formed against me could prosper, and I actually believed that I was wonderfully made. That conviction made direct changes in my life.

A kind of interesting, and funny one (for me), is my weight. For years I struggled with my weight and my body image. Raging from overweight over eater, to cross fit health junkie. But I hadn’t made peace with food. This year, after many years of working on my eating habits, and after taking a good hard look at myself, I realized, hey I’m healthy and happy. I went to the doctor for my annual physical, which I had been procrastinating on for the past few years, and was given a clean bill of health, and not told to lose weight. I was healthy and happy! But, I hadn’t been obsessively counting calories and beating myself up for not working out certain times a week. I learned to enjoy food again, learned to prepare healthy and tasty dishes, worked on my cooking skills, and exercised for my mental health. And guess, what, I get complimented all the time, sometimes I just laugh it off, because it has been easy, it’s my lifestyle now, and I enjoy it!

Identity played a key role in that, because, without really being convicted that I was dishonoring God in disapproving his creation in me, I would still be in that place of brokenness and unworthiness. Now, I really see the freedom in identity. Because I choose to love and take care of my body without resentment and fear, I am honoring God.

“19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.“1 Corinthians 6:19-20

This year has truly been one of learning, breaking and growing. I was stretched, I was uprooted, I was reminded of who I am and who’s I am and I was faced with fear.

Yet, I learned that I have nothing to fear because my Identity comes from the creator of the Universe, and he too dwells inside of me.

I was reminded that “the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him.” 1 corinthians 6:17

I was reminded that “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.”Jeremiah 1:5

I was reminded that I am a daughter of God.” But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.” John 1:12

And because I know my identity in him, then I do not have to worry .

²⁵“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

²⁸“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³²For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Mathew 6:25-34

So, I’ve written all of this to say, if you find yourself at the edge of despair in the end of this decade, looking back and not having achieved what you wished to have achieved. Or if you are brimming with gratefulness at the end of this decade, looking forward to all the blessings coming towards you in the new year. Remember this. Your heavenly Father knows what you need, and when you need them. He will never forsake or abandon you. He has made you just as you are. He delights in you. He wants you to rest in him to fly into the peace of the spirit, and he is right here, inside of you.

No matter where you have been in the last year, or the last decade, he is only a prayer away. He is not a distant God, but an everlasting loving father who loves to shower us in abundance. He sees you, he loves you, he waits for you.

Find your identity in the father, trust me, it’s worth it.

My identity gives me my voice. I’m ready for you 2020.

Featured

Smiles all around.

I recently went to a lovely tea with a group of women of various ages and one of the pieces of advice that stuck with me was what one of the ladies said to, “go to the throne, instead of the phone.” That tidbit stuck with me as I filled my days. As someone who likes to process externally and one that sometimes feels too much, I often talk to my mom or my closest friends about a lot of things. If I’m feeling a bit off, overwhelmed or excited I need to share it and often feel better once I have. But, one thing I’m learning is to go to God FIRST and then share. Sometimes, I don’t even feel the need to share because in my prayers, things get a new perspective, they shift.

Something amazing happens when you cast your anxieties and worries at the feet of the father, I mean, it’s like it’s biblical or something… That’s because it is. “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? … Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”(Matthew 6:25-33, ESV)”

God has given me a sweet gift of rest this Summer and while I’m trying to make the best of it, this is the first time I’ve truly rested in a long time. Among many pressures, responsibilities and worries, I’ve learned to trust and rest in his presence. No, that doesn’t mean I have to spend all day at a beautiful church service or all day in my quiet space, it’s having that amazing connection with God through the Holy Spirit. It’s going to the throne before the phone. It’s telling God what I really feel, even if it can seem silly. It’s thanking God for what he has already done, and for what he will do. It’s as simple as believing that his promises are true when the world tells you there’s no way, not you. Rest has been reading, cooking and hanging out with my favorite people and bonfires at the beach. Rest has been trusting God and not putting too much burden on myself. It’s knowing that God gives me choices and I’m FREE to take them. It’s knowing that he doesn’t force me to do anything, yet gives me the option to, like a beautiful walk through a meadow, I can choose to linger or to walk through swiftly.

This weekend a good friend of mine told me how I seemed so happy, free and peaceful. I smiled. A long way from my anxious, talk over everyone to be heard, worried and stressed self. Here I am, happy free and peaceful. I used to ask God to help me talk less and listen more, to live free without anxiety and have peace in him. That day those prayers were answered. God is doing a good work in you if you allow him to. Talk to him, tell him how you really feel. Ask him to lead you in this intricate and delicate dance called life, he will, gracefully.

So if anything has caused such change in my life recently it’s to go to the throne first. That’s the best piece of advice I can give, and that I have been given. Pray, pray, pray. The more you communicate with God, the more you will have the eyes to see what he is already doing, and if you don’t see, you will be encouraged. I was feeling very discouraged and I prayed to God about this, honestly and tearfully. That same day I ended sharing with another friend all the ways that God has taught me to trust in him, and all the ways he has blessed me abundantly more than I even knew. I laughed in the car ride back home and thought, thanks God. It’s funny how on the days where you are feeling at your worst, God can use you, the same person to uplift someone else, and to be reminded all that he has already done. It’s a shame our memories are so short sometimes…

So, I’ll leave you with this. Cast your anxieties, your thoughts, your worries, your pain, your dreams, your plans, your excitement, your love and your doubts all to the Father through prayer and supplication. And then watch, watch how he transforms your anxieties into your victories, your thoughts into actions, your worries into peace, your pain into gardens of life, your dreams into reality, your plans, excitement and love into something so much more than you could even imagine. He never worries, never forgets, and never leaves you. Yet, he always does abundantly and infinitely more, even if that begins with changing your anxieties into peace. Smiles all around.

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. (Ephesians 3:20, NLT)

February.

Let’s talk about the shortest month, and maybe the biggest impact.

February. Was both swift and sweet; a month that typically swings by brought so much impact to my year. Had a super fun Valentine’s Day with my friends. I said goodbye to one of the most amazing learning seasons of my life. I decided to be a double major, and added a minor just for funsies. I went to a concert I had dreamed about for a long time, and took my little sister as my date. It was awesome. I dyed my hair really dark. I played in the snow. I had an adventure getting home in a snowstorm. I changed bus routes. I met people. I cried. The elevator broke at work. I laughed and I saw God’s handiwork in my life directly.

That’s a lot for 28 days, and those are just the highlight reels.

All in all, February taught me to rest.

It’s easy for me to double or even triple book my schedule. “ I can do all things through Christ who lives in me”, is definitely one of my favorite bible verses and yes I might take it out of context, just a little bit. Over extending my time is something I thought of as “seize the day!” Yet, I’ve learned that my body needs to stop. It’s okay to stay in instead of going out. It’s okay to take a nap, it’s okay to put everything aside for one night and actually sleep for 8 hours. It’s okay to stop striving. It’s amazing how sleep will make you feel like your whole self again.

Yet, if I were to say the physical rest is the only thing I am learning, it wouldn’t even come close.

A few weeks ago I joked with a friend about how I stayed home and chose to take a Sabbath. For me that was a big change.

Real rest can only come from the soul. You might have a restful day, so you’re physical and mental self are rested. But, you’ve got that uneasy restless feeling inside of you and anxiety starts creeping in. Yup, been there too.

Real rest can only be found in the father.

^{Matthew 11:28-30}“Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹All of you, take up My yoke and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for yourselves. ³⁰For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

Real rest is hard.

To me it comes first hand with trust and oh boy is trusting hard. I have been blessed with incredible people I can lean on and trust in my life, I know who they are and I keep them close.

But to me, I can rest because I know that I can trust God. I have seen him work in countless ways for my good. Even in those moments that I didn’t understand, I knew I had to trust in God.

At the beginning of this post I mentioned how I recently decided to be a double major. I haven’t had a traditional college career, still in my undergraduate at 25. There were days where my go-getter personality would just want to get this done. I hated wasting time and seeing what I thought as the only opportunity be put on hold.

But, looking back today, and in that advisor’s office when she told me that I was able to take a double major in both of my areas of interest for the same amount of time and credits, even be able to add a minor, I was reminded of a word that was spoken to me a few years ago.

The word was given to me when I was broken hearted for having to put my education on hold. I was sad for not being able to go to my dream school, and that I had to take a break. I hadn’t told anyone but God and that day God told me I was going to have not one, but two degrees, and that the desire that I had for education was given from him. There were better things ahead.

That day I was instantly comforted, and thought wow, thanks God. I didn’t even think of the possibility of a double major, I thought instead of pursuing a master’s, or probably law school.

But God, he knew that I would move to Washington and end up going to an even better school than I was in Georgia. He knew the doors that would be open awaiting for me to walk through today. He knew of the opportunities I would come to be grateful of. He knew that I would one day be a Law, Economics and Public Policy & Media and Communications major. He knew, I didn’t.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of despair and hopelessness when the things we had hoped for don’t work out, or even when we try our best, they don’t happen. Whatever that may be in your life, always remember, if not he is still good.

God was still good through the pain and the hardship. God is still good through the days of joy and celebration.

It was worth the work of faith that God has produced in me, and the power of my testimony. It is beyond what I thought I would be able to do, and it is an amazing gift of grace. February reminded me what faith looks like, and how I can believe in the things yet to be seen. February reminded to rest in a good father, and comforted me with unexpected blessings and promise. February showed me that faith doesn’t have to be a long ordeal. It can be swift and sweet, after all, it’s just a five letter word. How hard can it be?

Suffering

Hi everyone, I know I haven’t been doing a great job at updating this space, hopefully I will do better than two posts a month going forward. This year has brought forth a lot of change already, and adjusting to better time management has been a work in progress. That being said, I’d like to talk to you about something that has been on my heart lately, and hopefully it will speak to you.

I recently read a book that touched on the word suffering for school and it has stuck with me through this week. All of us have endured some or many kinds of suffering. In fact, we were born in suffering. Throughout this week I really took a moment to think about the kinds of suffering I witnessed every day. The suffering of addiction, the suffering of displace, the suffering of heartbreak, sickness, disease, longing, loneliness, slavery, bondage, and oppression. When we were studying suffering in my class, we took a look at the suffering that was endured from wars and the product of them. Interestingly enough, the context of those wars brought to light a different kind of war that is fought today. The war of the mind, it is to say that although we might not be in a physical war today, like the civil war or the world wars, but we are at a war with our thoughts and our emotions. To expand that a little more, we should also acknowledge the world within our spirit.

Then I stopped and asked myself, when I look around and see so much suffering everyday, whether that be oppression, sickness, disease, loneliness and addiction. Why do we choose to stay and dwell in that suffering? Why don’t we have the strength to leave? Unlike the times of war and oppression where we are driven towards freedom, why do so many of us sit in our despair?

One of the most common types of suffering we see today is loneliness and depression. The world of social media and “togetherness” has actually separated us by our filters instead of unifying us through our relationships. Why is it that we are so lonely and depressed, in the world of “success”? Why do we dwell in the pits of despair instead of walking out and marching on towards freedom?

These questions led me to ask myself what does the Bible say about suffering and overcoming?

The Bible is full of stories of great suffering and overcoming, stories of suffering in every form. Stories of: slavery, oppression, loneliness, grief, bondage, addiction, sickness, disease, and war. Interestingly enough, all of those types of suffering I saw when I took a moment to look around were all there. So what does the Bible say, and how can that help the battle we have with our minds and spirit every day?

“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed” (2 Corinthians 4:8–9).

In the passage above we see Paul write, saying that we can be experiencing suffering but not destroyed. Or to say, although we may suffer, our suffering does not destroy us.

⁷for God gave us^oa spirit not of fear but ^pof power and love and self-control.

⁸Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, ⁹who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began, ¹⁰and which now has been manifested through the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, ^awho abolished death and brought life and ^cimmortality to light through the gospel,¹¹^dfor which I was appointed a preacher and apostle and teacher, ¹²^ewhich is why I suffer as I do. (2 Timothy 1:7-11)

In the passage above we see Paul again, acknowledging his suffering but giving us clear guidelines on how to deal with suffering, and it all points back to Jesus. Jesus overcame ALL of our suffering, and has given us power to live a holy life, and life abundantly. When we look to Jesus we see a way to over come suffering in loneliness and depression by three parts.

1.Relationship

Jesus invites us to live in relationship with him, and Jesus invested in relationships when he was here on Earth. Relationships Matter. If you are feeling hopeless and alone, talk to someone about it, find someone you trust and open up about the struggles you are facing. Isolation is the battleground for evil. Relationships bring to light many things that were before in the darkness. Once those things are in the light, we are able to deal with them. Look at a dirty house as an example. If you don’t turn on the lights to clean the dirt and mess will stay there and if you can’t see it, you can’t clean it. Once the light is on, you can see exactly what needs cleaning and what needs to be put away.

2. Resurrection

When Jesus died and took on all of our suffering he abolished death and brought immortality to light through the gospel. He died so that we may have everlasting life. When we live with that perception of eternity, we have hope that the suffering we are experiencing today is not permanent, it is temporary. That alone gives us hope to know that, although we may be experiencing this pain or suffering now, it is not our dwelling place. We will overcome.

3. Revelation

When Jesus died and rose again, he sent us the Holy Spirit to live inside us and guide us. When we receive the Holy Spirit, we have assurance that we are not alone. In the passage above we see Paul mentioning that God has given us a spirit of power, love and self-control, and not fear. Why do we stay dwelling in that place of suffering? Perhaps because we fear what moving forward may bring us, or we fear who we have become. If that’s you, have no fear! God has already won the war. If you are fighting this battle and it seems like it is too strong to overcome, remember you were given a spirit of love and power. God has the power to transform your situation, or maybe even your perspective to love yourself. Love yourself, flaws and all and know that God loves you. He made you and has a plan for your life. He will reveal to you how to overcome in love and power.

These are my reflections by faith about life and suffering. I know there is so much more that can expanded on this topic, and I might have to write some more another day, but what I really hope to convey to you is that suffering is a part of life. All of us experience it, some of us to a greater degree, the key difference in how we experience suffering is knowing that suffering did not overcome, Jesus did. We look at Jesus overcoming and see him through relationships, resurrection and revelation in our own lives. If we put our hope and faith in him, then we will suffer but we will have hope that this too shall pass and that he has overcome. We will have peace in knowing that he has overcome the war, even when the battle is raging. When we allow the Holy Spirit to dwell within us, we will have a spirit of love, power and not of fear. When we live within a community that chooses to honor God and glorify him, we will not be alone. We will live by faith that one day he will wipe away every tear, suffering will exist no more and we will dwell in the highest place. The key difference in how our life goes is not that we do not suffer, but that we will suffer with Christ. Knowing that we are not alone in the battle, and that one day we will suffer no more.

4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will no longer exist; grief, crying, and pain will exist no longer, because the previous things have passed away. (Revelation 21:4)