The one thing I want to take into the next decade.

It is the morning of December 31st, 2019 and I have literally lost my voice. While I drown myself in tea and honey, praying I get my voice back before midnight so I can yell “HAPPY NEW YEAR!!” and welcome in the new decade. I am taking some time to reflect, much like we do at the end of the year, and while I may not be able to speak audibly, my voice isn’t lost in words.

I always thank God for words, each one interwoven into meaning, and in each language their own rich history and tone.

2019 was a big year for me. Not because I fell in love, or went on wonderful vacations. I didn’t have either of those, but what I did have was breakthrough.

Looking back to the beginning of the year, it seems so distant now. Memories of getting caught in a snow storm, leaving my job, going back to school full time, getting scholarships, declaring a double major and adding a minor, having a restful summer of sister and family fun, attending so many diverse weddings, getting to interpret for one of them, cooking more and getting better at it, making new friends and reconnecting with old ones, saying goodbye to good friends, participating in an internship in D.C. and starting this blog space, finally.

2019 was a year of many firsts, many challenges, but also many victories and testimonies of God’s love. While there were many moments of fear, weeping, fasting and prayer. There were also many moments of peace, of dreams fulfilled, of laughs, joy, dancing, great meals and friendship.

It took me a while to write this post because I didn’t know how to approach it, do I just focus on the highlight reel? Do I open up on my struggles with anxiety and fear? How do I glorify Jesus in this? After losing my voice, I had some time to really sit and reflect, and the truth is, all of it glorifies Jesus.

You see, this year was a year of breakthrough for me, because it was the year that God prepared to bless me with opportunities I had dreamt of for years, and it was the year that my fears came close. It was the year that I said goodbye to many new friends and questioned where my place was. It was the year that I did a bible study on prayer that changed the way I pray. It was the year that I let down my guard, my pride, and truly rest in him. I took a Sabbath Summer and In those shorts months, God truly transformed me, so much so that even friends noticed how at peace I was and how I got the “spark” back into my eyes.

I finally gave in, let God do the work, and trusted that all things through him are good. I stopped trying to achieve my goals alone, and let him know of my fears. Some of whom have plagued me for over a decade.

You see, I could have made this post about how much God has transformed my life in the last ten years, from my high school days full of doubt and with little hope, to today, living out dreams that had been buried in the doubt, and new dreams that God has given to me. But, that would leave out all of the growth that this decade, and this year have brought me.

Growth hurts, it takes courage to sit in those feelings, cry out to God, and believe that his words are truth. That he will never forsake me or abandon me. That ALL things work for the good of those who love him. You see, one post wouldn’t be enough to cover all of those experiences but one thread sews them all together. IDENTITY.

The one lesson I’ve learned in this last decade, and really throughout this last year of highs and lows has been this.

I AM A DAUGHTER OF THE KING OF THE UNIVERSE. HE SHAPED ME IN MY MOTHER’S WOMB. HE KNOWS ME, DEEPLY AND INTRICATELY. HE HAS SAVED ME OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. HE GIVES ME DREAMS BIGGER THAN MOST CAN COMPREHEND. HE GIVES ME SENSIBILITY OF SPIRIT. HE GIVES ME WORDS. HE GIVES ME COURAGE. HE GIVES ME GRACE. HE GIVES ME WISDOM. HE GIVES ME FAMILY. HE GIVES ME LOVE. HE GIVES ME LIFE. HE WILL NEVER LEAVE ME OR ABANDON ME. HE HAS BROUGHT ME HERE.

IDENTITY. that’s what I’m carrying with me into the next decade. Boldness and conviction. “I am sure of this, that He who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Phillipians 1:6

Identity, one word. So much power over one’s life.

Identity shook me this year, and brought me here. To this place of rest in the Lord.

You see once I realized, and made that my mindset, in my mind and in my spirit, I knew and know that no weapon formed against me could prosper, and I actually believed that I was wonderfully made. That conviction made direct changes in my life.

A kind of interesting, and funny one (for me), is my weight. For years I struggled with my weight and my body image. Raging from overweight over eater, to cross fit health junkie. But I hadn’t made peace with food. This year, after many years of working on my eating habits, and after taking a good hard look at myself, I realized, hey I’m healthy and happy. I went to the doctor for my annual physical, which I had been procrastinating on for the past few years, and was given a clean bill of health, and not told to lose weight. I was healthy and happy! But, I hadn’t been obsessively counting calories and beating myself up for not working out certain times a week. I learned to enjoy food again, learned to prepare healthy and tasty dishes, worked on my cooking skills, and exercised for my mental health. And guess, what, I get complimented all the time, sometimes I just laugh it off, because it has been easy, it’s my lifestyle now, and I enjoy it!

Identity played a key role in that, because, without really being convicted that I was dishonoring God in disapproving his creation in me, I would still be in that place of brokenness and unworthiness. Now, I really see the freedom in identity. Because I choose to love and take care of my body without resentment and fear, I am honoring God.

“19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.“1 Corinthians 6:19-20

This year has truly been one of learning, breaking and growing. I was stretched, I was uprooted, I was reminded of who I am and who’s I am and I was faced with fear.

Yet, I learned that I have nothing to fear because my Identity comes from the creator of the Universe, and he too dwells inside of me.

I was reminded that “the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him.” 1 corinthians 6:17

I was reminded that “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.”Jeremiah 1:5

I was reminded that I am a daughter of God.” But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.” John 1:12

And because I know my identity in him, then I do not have to worry .

²⁵“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

²⁸“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³²For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Mathew 6:25-34

So, I’ve written all of this to say, if you find yourself at the edge of despair in the end of this decade, looking back and not having achieved what you wished to have achieved. Or if you are brimming with gratefulness at the end of this decade, looking forward to all the blessings coming towards you in the new year. Remember this. Your heavenly Father knows what you need, and when you need them. He will never forsake or abandon you. He has made you just as you are. He delights in you. He wants you to rest in him to fly into the peace of the spirit, and he is right here, inside of you.

No matter where you have been in the last year, or the last decade, he is only a prayer away. He is not a distant God, but an everlasting loving father who loves to shower us in abundance. He sees you, he loves you, he waits for you.

Find your identity in the father, trust me, it’s worth it.

My identity gives me my voice. I’m ready for you 2020.

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Jesus and Human Rights.

I recently went to an amazing and eye opening experience as a human rights researcher with my university. While intellectually challenging and emotionally charged, this trip was definitely a life changing experience. Yet, the most unexpected and perhaps most important part was how spiritually, my point of view got a little tested and a lot more clearer. While I’ve only been studying human rights for a short period of time, I’ve had a lot of realizations.

Why Jesus?

Jesus came for the forgotten, the marginalized, the sick, isolated, the belittled, the disabled, and the persecutors. He came to bring freedom, life, peace and dignity. When women were second class citizens, he looked them in the eye and said you are worthy. He healed the sick and disabled and brought them freedom. Freedom from sickness, shame and guilt. He dined with the outcasts and the marginalized and brought love and redemption to a dark and isolated life. He changed the heart of the persecutor, to a missionary. He brought DIGNITY to all. He didn’t look at race, class, gender or belief. He saw the humanity in all of these people, and he saw the reflection of God. The bible says that humanity was made in the image of God, therefore to by bringing salvation to us, Jesus brought dignity too.

Dignity and Identity.

²⁷“And God made man in His own likeness. In the likeness of God He made him. He made both male and female.” Genesis 1:27 NLV

Dignity, this word repeated over and over in my head as we moved from the Holocaust museum, through the hill and the African American museum. Dignity, that’s all we are asking for. For the children fleeing violence, for the families separated by war, for the thirsty, the hungry and the marginalized. What we all want is dignity.

The Gospel.

“For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me. ” Matthew 25:35 ESV

Jesus was counterculture with his message of radical grace. He saw people for what they were made to be, bearers of the image of God and carriers of the Holy Spirit. He didn’t look at circumstance, or our broken identities. He saw vessels waiting to be filled with his love. When we are saved by God’s grace and accept Jesus as our Lord and saviour, it doesn’t mean our circumstances change instantaneously. It means our heart, mind and soul are transformed. We are reminded who our maker is, and where our identity comes from. The way we think of the marginalized, the forgotten, the isolated and the sick changes as our heart goes through a holy defrost, that’s I like to call it. We love our neighbors, and seek to bring the Glory of God to the Earth no matter where our feet happen to be. In third world countries, or in the most powerful place on the planet. We love because he first loved us.

“Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.” Proverbs 31:25

Strength and dignity become our clothing, our armor in times of fear and strife. Our identity no longer in what was and what will become. Our identity firm in the Gospel of love, grace and redemption. Now, how amazing would the world be if we all lived with strength, dignity and love of Christ in our hearts and minds? What if we truly believed in the Gospel, and traded shame, into freedom. What if we looked at the homeless and saw the image of God? What if those who don’t speak our language and look differently than us were seen as children of God, instead of as the “other”? What if we actually loved our neighbor, and that means getting to know the messy and finding the beauty in it too.

Human rights were created as a response to the Holocaust and genocide, as a tool to prevent these inhumane acts to prevail once more. While there have been worst times to be alive, if you look around there’s still a lot of loving to do. For those fleeing persecution, war and famine are children of God too. Stripping people from their humanity is the same as stripping away their dignity. My biggest take away from my week in DC was the need for people who are spirit filled to change the dialogue. Yes, there have been horrible things done in the name of religion or christianity, but those are the same kind of people who Jesus condemned on his time here on Earth. The need is great, but the workers are few. To truly love and walk in dignity and freedom is not an easy task, but if we want a world where there is less famine, war and genocide. If we want true freedom from bondage, oppression and addiction. We need more Jesus. We need grace, love and healing. We need to look at humanity with the eyes of Jesus. To see the amazing transformation that can happen when we recognize where our true identity comes from. To see water turned into wine, the lame to walk and the blind see again.

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.“Psalm 139:13

All of us are creations of God, knitted in our mother’s womb and the image of God himself. Wow, what an amazing thing it is to be human! What if we looked at humanity in the same way God looks at us? With love. Let’s love our neighbors, speak in truth, love and grace. Let’s not diminish the value of human life because of what society deems as valuable. The elderly, the child, the disabled, the immigrant and the marginalized. They matter. We are called to bring compassion and care for those who suffer. Let us not forget this mighty charge of love, grace and dignity. For you once deserved it and still do, too.

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Smiles all around.

I recently went to a lovely tea with a group of women of various ages and one of the pieces of advice that stuck with me was what one of the ladies said to, “go to the throne, instead of the phone.” That tidbit stuck with me as I filled my days. As someone who likes to process externally and one that sometimes feels too much, I often talk to my mom or my closest friends about a lot of things. If I’m feeling a bit off, overwhelmed or excited I need to share it and often feel better once I have. But, one thing I’m learning is to go to God FIRST and then share. Sometimes, I don’t even feel the need to share because in my prayers, things get a new perspective, they shift.

Something amazing happens when you cast your anxieties and worries at the feet of the father, I mean, it’s like it’s biblical or something… That’s because it is. “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? … Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”(Matthew 6:25-33, ESV)”

God has given me a sweet gift of rest this Summer and while I’m trying to make the best of it, this is the first time I’ve truly rested in a long time. Among many pressures, responsibilities and worries, I’ve learned to trust and rest in his presence. No, that doesn’t mean I have to spend all day at a beautiful church service or all day in my quiet space, it’s having that amazing connection with God through the Holy Spirit. It’s going to the throne before the phone. It’s telling God what I really feel, even if it can seem silly. It’s thanking God for what he has already done, and for what he will do. It’s as simple as believing that his promises are true when the world tells you there’s no way, not you. Rest has been reading, cooking and hanging out with my favorite people and bonfires at the beach. Rest has been trusting God and not putting too much burden on myself. It’s knowing that God gives me choices and I’m FREE to take them. It’s knowing that he doesn’t force me to do anything, yet gives me the option to, like a beautiful walk through a meadow, I can choose to linger or to walk through swiftly.

This weekend a good friend of mine told me how I seemed so happy, free and peaceful. I smiled. A long way from my anxious, talk over everyone to be heard, worried and stressed self. Here I am, happy free and peaceful. I used to ask God to help me talk less and listen more, to live free without anxiety and have peace in him. That day those prayers were answered. God is doing a good work in you if you allow him to. Talk to him, tell him how you really feel. Ask him to lead you in this intricate and delicate dance called life, he will, gracefully.

So if anything has caused such change in my life recently it’s to go to the throne first. That’s the best piece of advice I can give, and that I have been given. Pray, pray, pray. The more you communicate with God, the more you will have the eyes to see what he is already doing, and if you don’t see, you will be encouraged. I was feeling very discouraged and I prayed to God about this, honestly and tearfully. That same day I ended sharing with another friend all the ways that God has taught me to trust in him, and all the ways he has blessed me abundantly more than I even knew. I laughed in the car ride back home and thought, thanks God. It’s funny how on the days where you are feeling at your worst, God can use you, the same person to uplift someone else, and to be reminded all that he has already done. It’s a shame our memories are so short sometimes…

So, I’ll leave you with this. Cast your anxieties, your thoughts, your worries, your pain, your dreams, your plans, your excitement, your love and your doubts all to the Father through prayer and supplication. And then watch, watch how he transforms your anxieties into your victories, your thoughts into actions, your worries into peace, your pain into gardens of life, your dreams into reality, your plans, excitement and love into something so much more than you could even imagine. He never worries, never forgets, and never leaves you. Yet, he always does abundantly and infinitely more, even if that begins with changing your anxieties into peace. Smiles all around.

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. (Ephesians 3:20, NLT)

Gifts.

Gifts of the Spirit.

This morning I was thanking God for the amazing gifts he has given me recently, both big and small. As I was thinking of thankfulness I was reminded that the most important gifts we can have are not gifts as we see them here, or as we monetize in our daily life, but more the gifts of the spirit.

These are things that are indeed gifts, little doses of heaven given to you in your soul and blossomed into fruits in the tree of your life. Wow, how beautiful, kind and wonderful is this God we call our savior. Up until this morning I thought of the gifts of the spirit as things we earned as we grew in our faith, maybe such as milestones we are rewarded as we go on this journey of faith, but no, they are gifts. We are given them out of God’s love for us as we live a faith filled life. Favor, friends, is fabulous.

The gifts of the spirit are wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety, and fear of the Lord.

Often broken down into the categories of ethical and intellectual. These gifts are essential to a happy and healthy life. These gifts encompass all that we are body, mind, and spirit. In the day in and day out of decision making, responsibilities, environments, and circumstances. These gifts give us the ability to recognize our creator and all that we are incapable of solving without the holy spirit in us. It’s the relational that changes the circumstance. It’s having the ability to process without fear and loving thy neighbor. It’s going after your dreams with hope and conviction. It’s a smile and a hug. A hand stretched out or an ear to hear. It’s problem solving, and strategic planning with a heart. It’s being slow to anger and listening. It’s trusting in God in the midst of trials, pain, and tribulation. It’s laughter and community. It’s adoration to the one who empowers in love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

I sit here this morning, awe inspired by this great love, and realize that Pentecost is just a few days away. The day that celebrates the day on which the Holy Spirit descended upon the followers of Jesus, and I thank God for the greatest gift of all. The Holy Spirit, and I pray to never forget nor dismiss the vitality of the presence of the Holy Spirit. Every day, no matter the situation, location or circumstance. He is always with us.

So, instead of thinking of Christmas day when you think about gifts, let everyday be a gift, after all Christ is among us every single day. The gifts are in and all around us, let’s celebrate!

Suffering

Hi everyone, I know I haven’t been doing a great job at updating this space, hopefully I will do better than two posts a month going forward. This year has brought forth a lot of change already, and adjusting to better time management has been a work in progress. That being said, I’d like to talk to you about something that has been on my heart lately, and hopefully it will speak to you.

I recently read a book that touched on the word suffering for school and it has stuck with me through this week. All of us have endured some or many kinds of suffering. In fact, we were born in suffering. Throughout this week I really took a moment to think about the kinds of suffering I witnessed every day. The suffering of addiction, the suffering of displace, the suffering of heartbreak, sickness, disease, longing, loneliness, slavery, bondage, and oppression. When we were studying suffering in my class, we took a look at the suffering that was endured from wars and the product of them. Interestingly enough, the context of those wars brought to light a different kind of war that is fought today. The war of the mind, it is to say that although we might not be in a physical war today, like the civil war or the world wars, but we are at a war with our thoughts and our emotions. To expand that a little more, we should also acknowledge the world within our spirit.

Then I stopped and asked myself, when I look around and see so much suffering everyday, whether that be oppression, sickness, disease, loneliness and addiction. Why do we choose to stay and dwell in that suffering? Why don’t we have the strength to leave? Unlike the times of war and oppression where we are driven towards freedom, why do so many of us sit in our despair?

One of the most common types of suffering we see today is loneliness and depression. The world of social media and “togetherness” has actually separated us by our filters instead of unifying us through our relationships. Why is it that we are so lonely and depressed, in the world of “success”? Why do we dwell in the pits of despair instead of walking out and marching on towards freedom?

These questions led me to ask myself what does the Bible say about suffering and overcoming?

The Bible is full of stories of great suffering and overcoming, stories of suffering in every form. Stories of: slavery, oppression, loneliness, grief, bondage, addiction, sickness, disease, and war. Interestingly enough, all of those types of suffering I saw when I took a moment to look around were all there. So what does the Bible say, and how can that help the battle we have with our minds and spirit every day?

“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed” (2 Corinthians 4:8–9).

In the passage above we see Paul write, saying that we can be experiencing suffering but not destroyed. Or to say, although we may suffer, our suffering does not destroy us.

⁷for God gave us^oa spirit not of fear but ^pof power and love and self-control.

⁸Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, ⁹who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began, ¹⁰and which now has been manifested through the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, ^awho abolished death and brought life and ^cimmortality to light through the gospel,¹¹^dfor which I was appointed a preacher and apostle and teacher, ¹²^ewhich is why I suffer as I do. (2 Timothy 1:7-11)

In the passage above we see Paul again, acknowledging his suffering but giving us clear guidelines on how to deal with suffering, and it all points back to Jesus. Jesus overcame ALL of our suffering, and has given us power to live a holy life, and life abundantly. When we look to Jesus we see a way to over come suffering in loneliness and depression by three parts.

1.Relationship

Jesus invites us to live in relationship with him, and Jesus invested in relationships when he was here on Earth. Relationships Matter. If you are feeling hopeless and alone, talk to someone about it, find someone you trust and open up about the struggles you are facing. Isolation is the battleground for evil. Relationships bring to light many things that were before in the darkness. Once those things are in the light, we are able to deal with them. Look at a dirty house as an example. If you don’t turn on the lights to clean the dirt and mess will stay there and if you can’t see it, you can’t clean it. Once the light is on, you can see exactly what needs cleaning and what needs to be put away.

2. Resurrection

When Jesus died and took on all of our suffering he abolished death and brought immortality to light through the gospel. He died so that we may have everlasting life. When we live with that perception of eternity, we have hope that the suffering we are experiencing today is not permanent, it is temporary. That alone gives us hope to know that, although we may be experiencing this pain or suffering now, it is not our dwelling place. We will overcome.

3. Revelation

When Jesus died and rose again, he sent us the Holy Spirit to live inside us and guide us. When we receive the Holy Spirit, we have assurance that we are not alone. In the passage above we see Paul mentioning that God has given us a spirit of power, love and self-control, and not fear. Why do we stay dwelling in that place of suffering? Perhaps because we fear what moving forward may bring us, or we fear who we have become. If that’s you, have no fear! God has already won the war. If you are fighting this battle and it seems like it is too strong to overcome, remember you were given a spirit of love and power. God has the power to transform your situation, or maybe even your perspective to love yourself. Love yourself, flaws and all and know that God loves you. He made you and has a plan for your life. He will reveal to you how to overcome in love and power.

These are my reflections by faith about life and suffering. I know there is so much more that can expanded on this topic, and I might have to write some more another day, but what I really hope to convey to you is that suffering is a part of life. All of us experience it, some of us to a greater degree, the key difference in how we experience suffering is knowing that suffering did not overcome, Jesus did. We look at Jesus overcoming and see him through relationships, resurrection and revelation in our own lives. If we put our hope and faith in him, then we will suffer but we will have hope that this too shall pass and that he has overcome. We will have peace in knowing that he has overcome the war, even when the battle is raging. When we allow the Holy Spirit to dwell within us, we will have a spirit of love, power and not of fear. When we live within a community that chooses to honor God and glorify him, we will not be alone. We will live by faith that one day he will wipe away every tear, suffering will exist no more and we will dwell in the highest place. The key difference in how our life goes is not that we do not suffer, but that we will suffer with Christ. Knowing that we are not alone in the battle, and that one day we will suffer no more.

4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will no longer exist; grief, crying, and pain will exist no longer, because the previous things have passed away. (Revelation 21:4)